Will You Be There For Me?
by layzeeamy
Summary: IMPORTANT AN!! AU. Rory's world is out of her control and finds it harder and harder to know who she really is. Lit.
1. Hooray For Prologues

Disclaimer: If I was in any way affiliated with Gilmore Girls, Amy Sherman Palladino, The WB, or anything else, this thing would not be here. Besides, I'm a broke teenager. Same thing goes for the song references that will be made in this story.  
  
A/N: This story is based on lyrics to the songs 'Breathe No More' and 'Solitude' by Evanescence and stuff that happened to me. So, if you hate parts of it or if it sounds like something else, deal (me grumpy, sorry). I should also warn you that my writing isn't exactly the greatest, so I apologize in advance for errors in grammar, typing, and just the general flow of the story.  
  
Will You Be There For Me?  
  
Chapter One: Hooray for Prologues  
  
First things first, this story is an AU. Jess has lived with Luke in Stars Hollow ever since he was a baby since Liz was killed by a drunk driver and his father was ruled to be an unfit parent by the courts.  
  
Due to their closeness in age and the relationship between Luke and Lorelai, Jess and Rory grew up together. At times, they felt like their relationship was more like that between a brother and sister. Other times, it was simply a platonic relationship between members of the opposite sex. And, there were moments where the relationship was on a romantic level. As they aged, Rory and Jess increasingly found themselves thinking about the other in mainly the third way, but were afraid to admit their feelings to one another.  
  
In addition to grow closer to one another emotionally as they aged, Rory and Jess underwent their own transformations. Jess became more focused on his passion for literature and writing. Rory found herself living the seemingly perfect life, but she hid a secret within her that no one knew, not even Lorelai or Jess.  
  
On the surface, Rory was a happy teenager who was intelligent and had a lot going for her. She was at the top of her class, had her close group of friends, volunteered, an Ivy League University's dream applicant. But, that was just part of the daily act that Rory put on for people. Inside, there was a person who felt like they didn't belong anywhere in the world and was lost behind all of the things that people expected her to be.  
  
People had placed their expectations on Rory since she was so young that she had lost something that is almost impossible to get back, her identity. Instead of just being Rory Gilmore, teenage girl, she was Rory Gilmore, princess of Stars Hollow who seemed to be loved by all and was viewed as the daughter that Richard and Emily Gilmore should have had.  
  
During the sixteen years of her life, it was difficult for Rory to think of times where she could say that she was truly happy or doing what she really wanted to do.  
  
Now, her feelings were taking control over her and day by day, she became weaker emotionally and she only sunk further into her self-imposed isolation.  
  
Afraid of what might happen if she shared her feelings with anyone, Rory used her different 'masks' to hide what she was really going through. Instead of feeling like no one cared about her, Rory would occupy her time helping around town or volunteering somewhere. Instead of feeling like she would remain alone for the rest of her life, Rory escaped into the world of fiction, where anything and everything could happen.  
  
They were her lifesavers. The books that lined her shelves were what always provided the distraction from the reality that Rory had to face. Books ranging from To Kill a Mockingbird to The Fountainhead provided enough of an escape to Rory that she was able to fight away the demons in her mind that continually tried to destroy her.  
  
But, distractions could only last for so long. Eventually, her mind and thoughts would catch up with her, and Rory would need more than books to help her. She would need to find someone or something to turn to for help.  
A/N: Me like feedback. I'll post the next chapter as soon as I can, but school is a real pain right now. So, tell me what you think, please! Hopefully, this prologue set up enough stuff for the story, if not, I'll put another filler/explanation chapter. 


	2. Lost Within Me

Disclaimer: If I was in any way affiliated with Gilmore Girls, Amy Sherman Palladino, The WB, or anything else, this thing would not be here. Besides, I'm a broke teenager. Same thing goes for the song references that will be made in this story.  
  
A/N: I'm pretty much motivated to write this by the one review that I have gotten. PLEASE REVEIEW!! Oh, the lyrics that are in this chapter are from 'Breathe No More'. I'm a lil potty mouth in this one...hehe The stuff written between the ~'s are lyrics. I would put it in italics, but it doesn't transfer over to ff.net from word, so that was all I could come up with. Me taking applications for beta readers hehe. I think this story kinda needs it. I'm not that good with being really descriptive.  
  
Will You Be There For Me?  
  
Chapter Two: Lost Within Me  
  
Rory is lying on her bed staring at nothing in particular singing softly along to the music that is filling the house because it is turned up so high.  
  
~I've been looking in the mirror for so long.  
  
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.  
  
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.~  
  
Next to Rory, you see a very worn looking journal with pieces of paper and pictures sticking out. The contents of the journal are various things that Rory has written about her life and what she goes through, pictures that she or other people have drawn or taken, and different poems, quotes, and lyrics that Rory liked and helped to think about different things.  
  
~Shards of me,  
  
To sharp to put back together.  
  
To small to matter,  
  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.~  
  
Through Rory's window, you can see Jess approaching the house with a thermos and bag from Luke's. Rory does not notice, or ignores him if she does. Jess enters the house without knocking and is greeted by the music and the sound of Rory singing along with the CD.  
  
Jess: (standing in the doorway) Knock knock.  
  
Jess notices that something is wrong with Rory, but he knows that it is a bad time to bring up the subject and tries to put it in the back of his mind.  
  
Rory: (fakes enthusiasm) Hey.  
  
Jess: (walks over to the bed and sits on the edge) So, I have all this coffee and these doughnuts, and thought that you might like to help me eat them all.  
  
Rory: (now sitting up across from Jess) You know me too well.  
  
Jess: (mentally) In some ways, I don't know you at all...  
  
Rory: (has more energy than before, but you can still tell that something is bothering her) Gimme food! Gimme coffee!  
  
Jess: (holds the food out of her reach) What are the magic words?  
  
Rory: Words?  
  
Jess: (sarcastically) Yes, the s at the end does make it plural.  
  
Rory: So, that's what it does.  
  
Jess: What are they? (still holding the food out of her reach)  
  
Rory: (you can hear the lack of enthusiasm and energy in her voice) I'm too tired to put up a fight. I love you.  
  
Jess: That was convincing.  
  
Rory: Yeah. Being sleepy can get to a person.  
  
The two sit at the kitchen table, the music still playing.  
  
~Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.  
  
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.  
  
Lie to me,~  
  
Jess: (sensing that it would be all right for him to ask about before) So, how are you?  
  
Rory: (looking at anything but Jess) I'm fine. Just a little tired.  
  
Jess: (you can hear how concerned he is) Rory, I know something's up.  
  
Rory: (staring intently at the sprinkles on the doughnut) I'm fine, don't worry.  
  
Jess: (concern is more apparent in his voice) Ror, you know you can't hide anything from me. I know when there's something that you aren't saying.  
  
Rory: (finally looks up at Jess. You can see the pain in her eyes) Why do you have to have such an unfair advantage?  
  
Jess: It's not unfair. I care about you and worry when something isn't right.  
  
~And all of this,  
  
Will make sense when I get better.  
  
I know the difference,  
  
Between myself and my reflection.~  
  
Rory: (exhales, demonstrating that she gave up the fight) Have you had stuff in your mind that makes perfect sense, but in reality, it's nothing more than a huge mess?  
  
Jess: Yeah.  
  
Rory: Well, you know how frustrating that can get, among other things...  
  
Jess: Makes you want to beat your brains out sometimes.  
  
Rory: (you can tell in her voice that Rory is having trouble opening up to Jess)Yeah, well, try having to deal with that feeling 24/7.  
  
Jess: (trying to take Rory's hands in his) Ror-  
  
Rory: (her voice is growing stronger and she begins to move her hands around to emphasize what she is saying) It sucks. Being everyone's pet and doing only what others want. I have been doing that for so long that it has killed me.  
  
Jess: (you can hear how concerned he is by what Rory is saying) You know that isn't true.  
  
Rory: (now she's standing up and she walks over to the counter) Yes it is! I try to tell someone what the hell is going through my fucked up mind, but do you listen to what I'm trying to say? No!  
  
Jess: (gets up and slower walks over to Rory) Rory, I'm trying, but...  
  
Rory: (moves away from Jess's approaching figure, now she is on the opposite side of the room) No! Don't even try to make up excuses. There is some crap that goes through my mind on a daily basis that scares the shit out of me, but I have no way to deal with it anymore. For so long I was able to escape it, but now, it just keeps coming and I have no way to avoid it.  
  
Jess: (takes a few steps toward Rory but stops) Rory, I want to help you, but I need to know how...  
  
Rory: If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be the emotional basketcase that I am right now.  
  
Jess: (you can hear in his voice how much he really wants to help Rory) Help me understand...I hate seeing you like this.  
  
Rory: (she's by the back door now and she slowly falls to the floor, her head is in her hands, which are resting on her knees) Ever feel like there's nothing left for you in the world? Try living with that feeling all of the time! Then, knowing what would happen if you were actually able to escape all of the shit that scares the hell out of you. I would be long gone if I wasn't so worried about mom, Luke, or you.  
  
Jess: (crouches down beside Rory) God, Rory, please, don't do anything like that. Don't even think about something as horrible as that.  
  
Rory: (tries to push her hair out of her face and you can see that she is trying to fight off her tears) I have tried to control the things that float around my head, but I'm not strong enough. Every time I put up a fight, I am defeated and become even weaker for the next one.  
  
Jess: You're a strong girl Ror, I know that you could beat something if it meant that much to you.  
  
Rory: (looks directly at Jess) At this point, is my life even worth it? I mean, the real Rory Gilmore was killed a long time ago, or she is so buried within me that it is so damn impossible to find.  
  
~And I breathe,  
  
I breathe,  
  
I breathe-  
  
I breathe no more.~  
  
Rory: (she gets up and runs into her room and grabs her journal) You want to try to understand the mind of Rory Gilmore? Here!  
  
Jess: (takes the journal) Ror, you don't have to do this.  
  
Rory: (walking back to her room, she stops and turns around) Don't let anyone else see that and don't talk to anyone about what happened today. Please.  
  
With that, Rory puts the song back on and it begins again. As the piano in the beginning of the song starts to play the familiar tune, Jess takes the journal and exits the house, trying to comprehend everything that has just happened between him and Rory.  
  
Jess: (mentally) Could she really be in that much pain? How come I never noticed this before? How come I wasn't there for her more?  
  
With those thoughts and many more floating around his mind, Jess sets off for the bridge to go over the contents of the journal, hoping to find answers to the many questions that have formed within his mind.  
A/N: Well, this is another short one, but I have school stuff to work on and wanted to get this up before I forgot. Please review, I really want to know what people think about this. I'll try to make the next one longer. 


	3. You're Not Alone

Disclaimer: If I was in any way affiliated with Gilmore Girls, Amy Sherman Palladino, The WB, or anything else, this thing would not be here. Besides, I'm a broke teenager. Same thing goes for the song references that will be made in this story.  
  
A/N: I appreciate the reviews that I have received and would like more, hehe, me greedy. Sorry if this took a little while but with school and stuff, it's hard. Plus, I had a nasty case of writer's block for this story.  
  
Will You Be There For Me?  
  
Chapter Three: You're Not Alone  
  
Jess is sitting on the bridge with Rory's journal in his lap. He is thinking about whether or not he should open it and is curious if he even wants to see the contents of the journal. He knows that it is something that Rory guards very closely and how hard it must be for her to have given it to him. Carefully, he opens the journal to begin looking through it and hopefully find some answers to his many questions.  
  
The first thing that Jess reads is what appears to be a typical journal entry. ~*~ February 10 Another day at hell is over. I swear, I am only going to Chilton to please my mom and grandparents. I just wish that I could still be going to Stars Hollow High where I have some people that I could describe as being my friends. Sure Paris and a couple of other people are nice to my face, but I know that it's just an act, but I still play along to make everyone else happy. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't as smart as I am or how people think I am. I don't even want to go to Harvard. Sure it's a great school, but it's what other people want, not me. I want to be able to enjoy my time in college and Harvard would just mean me staring at book after book, hour after hour.~*~  
  
After that entry about Rory and school, he turned the page and saw a sketch of a girl sitting in a corner with her knees pulled up to her chest with a blank expression on her face. In front of the girl rested masks that had different expressions on them ranging from happy, upset, frustrated, and pleading. The only color in the picture of black and white were the blue dots that were in the eyes of the girl and the different masks. Underneath, Rory had written, "Which one will I wear next?"  
  
Jess: (mentally) Is that really what she feels she has to do? She thinks that she has to conceal how she really feels to make everyone else happy?  
  
Curious about what else he would find in the journal, Jess kept reading and looking. The next couple of pages were photos that she or other people had taken and she had written comments for them. Out of the group, there were a few that stood out to Jess, but mainly was the picture of him and Rory on her birthday. It was while she was blowing the candles out to her cake and she had drawn little bubble to represent what she was thinking and it said, "If only he knew..." Underneath, Rory had written more describing how she felt about Jess. ~*~I swear, sometimes he is the only thing that keeps me going. Everyone can drive me insane except for him. He means so much to me that I would never be able to intentionally hurt him, which means I could never hurt myself. Time after time I have had a razor in my hand hovering over my wrist or a bottle of pills in front of me, but just before I did anything I would see his face. If only he knew that he has saved me many times...~*~  
  
Jess: (mentally) She's right. It would hurt too much if anything ever happened to her. How come I never saw that she was hurting so much? How could I have been so clueless?  
  
Intrigued by what he had seen and read, Jess kept looking through the contents of the journal. The pages after the picture of him and Rory were filled with various quotations and song lyrics. Many of them were related to feelings of isolation and depression and thoughts about death. Then, what Jess saw made his heart shatter.  
  
It was a recent picture of Rory and she had drawn on her right arm with a red marker. There was a long horizontal line going from her wrist to near her elbow. Underneath, in the blood red marker, she had written, "This is how I should do it next time..."  
  
Jess: (mentally) Oh God. She's cut herself. How the hell did I not notice any scars? How the hell could she do something like that?  
  
Jess continued to look over the contents of the journal, which contained more entries, lyrics, and pictures. Most of which scared the crap out of Jess and made him genuinely concerned about Rory's state of mental health since she was continually writing about how much she hated the way that people placed expectations on her and wished that she could have the strength to take her own life, but knew she never could because of Jess.  
  
As a reached the end, there was a steady stream of tears coming from Jess's eyes and staining the pages as he read what was written. Finally, he came to the latest entry, which was particularly longer than the others. ~*~March 16 Well, I never thought that things would be able to get any worse than they already are, but they have. Deep inside of me, two secrets grow and I'm so scared to tell anyone about what is going on. I have no one to talk to that would actually understand what I am going through mentally. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, I can't think about much more than how alone I am in this fucked up and unfair world. Sure the people of Stars Hollow care, but do they really and truly care? Their lives would be fine without me in it. I wouldn't be the mistake that my mom made when she was a teenager. I would just be a memory if things were the way I wanted. Maybe mom and Luke would actually gain the courage how fucking head over heels in love they are. Jess would be able to concentrate on his writing and wouldn't have me to distract him. He wouldn't have to worry about looking out for me or making me happy. Instead, he would be able to focus on the important things, not just little Rory Gilmore, the mistake that should have never been made and girl who does nothing but fuck up. I love Jess so much that it hurts me to know that I have become so dependent on how one person thinks and feels about me. Now, it's even worse...Guess this would be a good time to reveal the other secret. I'm repeating the mistake that brought me into this craptastic world. Yeah, perfect Rory Gilmore, princess of Stars Hollow, is now a statistic. Another pregnant teen in the world. Instead of having to only worry about getting through another day, I have to worry about my kid and how everyone will react to the news. I'm sure that'll be lots of fun. I can see it now, Luke threatening to kill Jess, Babette constantly asking me how I'm doing, Sookie making tons of food, Taylor preaching about how kids should be more responsible and think about the possible consequences of their actions. The worst will be my grandparents. I was supposed to be the shining star of the Gilmore family that would erase the mistake that mom made. Instead, I'm just going to make things worse. I'm going to be stuck in this town forever with all of the insane people who also call this place home. The worst thing is, I'm going to be taking Jess and this kid down with me. Instead of only one person being involved in the mess that is my life, there are now three. How am I going to tell everyone? I already hate how they treat me, now it's going to be even worse. I know that I will love this child with all of my heart, but I'm still a child. How can I be expected to be somebody's mom when I'm only in high school. The worst things that I should have to worry about are tests and papers, not making it through each day or taking care of a child. Why can't I wake up from this dream? Why does this have to be my reality? Why do I have to be the focus of attention for so many people? Why can't I just get away from everything that is wrong and live how I want to? Why? Why? Why? ~*~  
  
Jess: (mentally) I, I, I'm going to, to be someone's f.f.father? Holy shit. Good surprise, but still a surprise. Rory's right about Taylor and how he'll react. God, he'll probably discuss it at a town meeting. I can see it now, "They are the perfect example of how we need to be more careful with what we expose the youth of Stars Hollow to and we must watch more closely. Their mistake will serve as a lesson for their peers about what can happen if they act before they think..." I need to tell Rory that she is much more than a distraction in my life. She has to know how important she is to me and how much I love her. I need to tell her that I will be there for her no matter what happens. Sure, the baby was unexpected, but this can be the biggest blessing in disguise. I really gotta talk to her about everything, let her know that she isn't alone...  
  
With that, Jess closed the journal and immediately took over for the Gilmore home. He ran past the townspeople, cut through a couple of yards, and soon found himself standing on Babette and Morey's yard. He slowed down to catch his breath and clear his mind to prepare himself for what he was about to do.  
  
Jess slowly made his way to the front steps, and soon found himself knocking on the front door, hoping to see Rory's face appear on the other side.  
  
Jess: (knocks again) Rory? You there?  
  
There is no answer and Jess decides that he will just open the door like he has done before. Once again, he is greeted by the sound of music coming from Rory's room. He cautiously walks over to her room and opens the door to see Rory in the same position that he saw he that morning. The only difference is that now she has her eyes closed and tears slowly traveling down her face. Jess walks over to the bed and sits next to her. When she notices that someone is sitting on the bed with her, Rory slowly opens her eyes. You can tell that she is glad that Jess is the one that is with her.  
  
Rory: (says weakly) So, you read it?  
  
Jess: (voice is soft and he is trying to hide his emotions) Yeah. Ror, I want you to know that I love you so much and you are much more than a mistake or distraction.  
  
Rory: (she slowly props herself up and faces Jess) Jess, I'm just a screw up who has managed to do more damage than can be repaired.  
  
Jess: Don't say that. You are a wonderful person who has touched the lives of so many people. I can honestly say that my life would be a mess if I didn't have you. You help to complete me. You calm me down, help me focus on important things. If you weren't in my life, I would probably be the world's biggest slacker that did nothing but read. You make my life worth something Rory, don't ever let yourself believe that you are worthless because you aren't. Not to me. Not to Lorelai. Not to Luke. No one. You are a gift to so many people...  
  
Rory: Jess, I'm scared.  
  
Jess: I know.  
  
Rory: I hate being like this and wish that I wasn't. I don't want to have a child and have them go through what I do. I don't want anyone to experience this pain.  
  
Jess: Rory, I'm here for you, for the baby. I want you to know that I will never leave you. I love you too much to do anything like that. I will be here for you to help you get through this. I know that it was hard, but all you had to do was ask. I'll do my best to help you fight this and get through it.  
  
Rory: Jess, you have no idea how much that means to me. I love you so much and need you. I need you to help me. I never want to think about leaving this world again. I need to make an effort to change the things that do nothing but hurt me.  
  
Jess: Whatever you want to do, I will be there beside you, helping you. I know that once we tell Lorelai, she will be right on the other side of you to support you. Too many people love you to leave you behind.  
  
Rory: (embraces Jess) Thank you so much Jess.  
  
Jess: Ror, you don't have to thank me, not for this. I can't just sit by and watch you hurting. I care about you way too much.  
  
The two sat on Rory's bed for a long time just hugging in silence except for when Jess word offer Rory words of comfort and love. They were only interrupted by Lorelai's entrance into the house.  
  
Lorelai: Mini Me! Where are you?  
  
Jess and Rory remained on the bed and did not move when they heard Lorelai's outburst. Instead, Rory held Jess even tighter and whispered, "I'm scared" into his ear.  
  
Lorelai: (she's standing by the doorway to Rory's room) Rory? Jess? What's going on? Is everything okay?  
  
Rory: (she looks up at Lorelai) Mom, there's a lot of stuff that I have to talk to you about...  
  
Lorelai: (goes over to Rory and sits near her) Sure sweets, I'm here.  
  
Rory: I don't know how to tell you everything. I mean there's so much.  
  
Jess: (retrieves the journal from where he had placed it) Here, read the last entry. That explains everything.  
  
Lorelai takes the journal from Jess and begins to read about the pain the her daughter had silently been suffering through by herself. She soon begins to cry realizing just how hurt Rory was and still is. She is silent while she continues to read the entry and her only reaction is when she reads the part about the baby, which is just a simple look at Rory showing how much she cares and understands parts of what she is going through. Soon, she is done reading the entry and closes the journal and places it down on the bed.  
  
Lorelai: Ror, I am so sorry that I had no idea about what was going on. I'm sorry that you felt like you had no one to turn to when you needed it the most. I'll do whatever it takes to help you and the baby. I love you with all of my life and don't want you to hurt anymore. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I know how much some of that can suck and I will be here for you no matter what happens.  
  
Rory's response is simple. She leans over and embraces Lorelai and buries her face in her mother's neck.  
  
Rory: Thank you mom.  
  
Lorelai: (gently rocking Rory back and forth) Rory, sweetie, you do not have to thank me. I'm your mom and I would give up my life to make sure yours was one without pain and suffering. I just want you to be healthy and happy. We'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.  
  
Rory: I love you so much. (she pulls away from Lorelai and turns to Jess) Jess, I just want you to know how much it means to me that you're being this supportive. Thank you, the both of you.  
  
Jess: Ror, don't worry about anything. We'll get through this together. You are not alone in this anymore, remember that. Lorelai and I both love you so much that we will do anything to help you through this.  
  
The three just sit on Rory's bed and hugged for a long time and think about everything that had happened that day.  
A/N: Well, I'm kinda stuck with where the story should go from here. I know this chapter was supposed to be a little longer and stuff, but I didn't want it to end up dragging on so I just put the more basic things in there. Sorry if parts are repeated, but this chapter is the result of me being bored out of my mind at midnight. Please review and tell me what you think about the story so far. I don't know when I'll be able to update next since school is getting really annoying and harder since I am literally failing chemistry. Please please please review! 


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